Anxiety.
It has it's grip
in every facet
I can possibly see
in me.
Dreams plagued by
the notion
that it
really will
only be a dream.
Harrassed
by my head.
To overthink,
To recreate,
To give in,
To give up.
All we hear
is the constant
patter.
One by one
we move along,
thinking that
maybe it won't matter
once it all
drops.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
bad romance
I highly recommend for you to watch Lady Gaga's new video for her song Bad Romance. It is really amazing how this collection of imagery is now apart of the pop mainstream. This isn't sexy for the sake of being sexy. This is being sexy and unsexy for art. To represent a collage of ideas visually. It's much simpler to sell music by not going to these lengths.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
and how was I to know, that what we carved in stone, would be so temporary?
So I don't really know why I took 2 extra shifts at work this week. Which pretty much doubles how much work I usually do. I guess it'll be okay. I don't know, whatever. I have to do it now anyways. When I work I feel really good that I have the opportunity to do something productive to benefit wider society in my own small way and that I have the opportunity to learn important lessons about working, about money, about how things operate in general... but then sometimes I'd rather be doing something else, or doing nothing at all.
I've had a couple ideas lately. It's really rather exciting. I've been doing some research, been inspired. Maybe this will be one of those things I just think of doing and never do, but I hope it really works anyways. Hopefully I'll have something to show for my thoughts.
Hurry up and boil, water! It's taking far too long >.<
Anyways...
" I hope you're all doin' well and feelin' sexy !"- HW
=]
I've had a couple ideas lately. It's really rather exciting. I've been doing some research, been inspired. Maybe this will be one of those things I just think of doing and never do, but I hope it really works anyways. Hopefully I'll have something to show for my thoughts.
Hurry up and boil, water! It's taking far too long >.<
Anyways...
" I hope you're all doin' well and feelin' sexy !"- HW
=]
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
quotes + rambling
"What I've found out is there is beauty in "figuring out"... I hope I never have life figured out for myself. I want to be in a content state of learning and growing and I hope God can always show me from the bottom there are more ways to look up. " - Hayley Williams
"Dear Julie,
Do you ever feel like an extra in your own life? It seems like I'm forever stuck in the background, watching other people do and say all the things I feel inside. One day I'm gonna surprise everyone with my talents. They will be laughing and crying and texting me so often that I will be annoyed. Until then,
Sandy."
And one more quote...
"At the local communist party headquarters, the band played for an audience of 10 for almost that many hours." - Courtney Taylor
The last quote is from the voiceover in this documentary called 'DiG!'. It's really amazing for reasons I probably won't even be able to effectively articulate. It's is basically a movie following two bands, The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre over a seven year period. It is narrated by the Dandy's lead singer Courtney and I guess when you look at this for a 'plot' of sorts...It's kind of coming down to the idea that just because you are really talented doesn't make you really 'successful' in terms of the music industry, but I guess this theme can be applied to many other situations. The two bands are initially friends - the two lead singers Courtney and Anton Newcombe have this crazy bond. The Dandy Warhols get signed by Capitol Records, go on tour, make videos, get screwed over, but succeed in the end. They're relatively stable. Anton's band is plagued by drug issues, band relationship issues etc...Even though, from an outsider's perspective, their music could probably be considered "better," whatever that term means to you. You get the idea that Anton is the 'crazy genius' character in all this, who'll do anything, doesn't stick to the norm, who is a self-professed multi-instrumentalist (he claims to play over 80 instruments). The Brian Jonestown Massacre released a staggering 4 full length albums within a period of about 2 years. All their music is available for free for download on their website. They're still around, but I guess not as commercially successful as the Dandy's. It's funny, I read a recent-ish interview from Anton, and he was saying something to the effect of "I didn't do a Radiohead or a NIN, [and release my music for free], Radiohead and NIN did a me." This theme of Anton being a revolutionary is evident within the film. I'm fascinated by this whole thing. I'm not exactly sure what's drawing it in. Would it be terrible cliche to suggest that this is "real". I'm obsessed with "reality" television. I've recently realised just how much I watch, but I've also become aware of how much can be plotted and fabricated. After the film's release, Anton wasn't very happy with it. He didn't like how it presented them in a Jerry Springer-like way...I guess because they showed the onstage fighting etc. I'm not sure why I wrote all this down...but ever since I watched this documentary I keep thinking about it. I keep listening to The Dandy Warhols. It's just...amazing to watch, for me. It feels real. It doesn't feel like your average story.
Some other highlights of music documentaries I've watched recently..
'Meeting People Is Easy.", the Radiohead documentary is really bizarre, because you feel so alienated watching it in a sense. You feel as alienated as the band maybe? But there are a lot of moments that are completely normal as well. I think it's very evident through in the opening...the disjointedness of the sound etc is creepy. I love when documentaries are effective. Like when they emphasise the repetition of things. It seems more realistic in a sense. We'd like to think rockstars do really cool things all the time and are never bored, but they have to deal with a lot of boring crap like everyone else.
In the Classic Album Series for Nirvana's Nevermind, I LOVED when they totally stripped back this song I can't remember the name of. There's a story behind everything...and I find myself most interested in those kinds of things. The thought processes and actions behind the way a particular line was recorded etc...I'm not sure why this stuff is so important to me. Maybe cause I hope one day someone will pick apart what I write or sing and really understand the meanings behind. I do most things so particularly. I'd love for people to spout off analysis' of what people say. It'd probably get very tedious after a while, but I think I'd enjoy it for a while =].
"Dear Julie,
Do you ever feel like an extra in your own life? It seems like I'm forever stuck in the background, watching other people do and say all the things I feel inside. One day I'm gonna surprise everyone with my talents. They will be laughing and crying and texting me so often that I will be annoyed. Until then,
Sandy."
And one more quote...
"At the local communist party headquarters, the band played for an audience of 10 for almost that many hours." - Courtney Taylor
The last quote is from the voiceover in this documentary called 'DiG!'. It's really amazing for reasons I probably won't even be able to effectively articulate. It's is basically a movie following two bands, The Dandy Warhols and The Brian Jonestown Massacre over a seven year period. It is narrated by the Dandy's lead singer Courtney and I guess when you look at this for a 'plot' of sorts...It's kind of coming down to the idea that just because you are really talented doesn't make you really 'successful' in terms of the music industry, but I guess this theme can be applied to many other situations. The two bands are initially friends - the two lead singers Courtney and Anton Newcombe have this crazy bond. The Dandy Warhols get signed by Capitol Records, go on tour, make videos, get screwed over, but succeed in the end. They're relatively stable. Anton's band is plagued by drug issues, band relationship issues etc...Even though, from an outsider's perspective, their music could probably be considered "better," whatever that term means to you. You get the idea that Anton is the 'crazy genius' character in all this, who'll do anything, doesn't stick to the norm, who is a self-professed multi-instrumentalist (he claims to play over 80 instruments). The Brian Jonestown Massacre released a staggering 4 full length albums within a period of about 2 years. All their music is available for free for download on their website. They're still around, but I guess not as commercially successful as the Dandy's. It's funny, I read a recent-ish interview from Anton, and he was saying something to the effect of "I didn't do a Radiohead or a NIN, [and release my music for free], Radiohead and NIN did a me." This theme of Anton being a revolutionary is evident within the film. I'm fascinated by this whole thing. I'm not exactly sure what's drawing it in. Would it be terrible cliche to suggest that this is "real". I'm obsessed with "reality" television. I've recently realised just how much I watch, but I've also become aware of how much can be plotted and fabricated. After the film's release, Anton wasn't very happy with it. He didn't like how it presented them in a Jerry Springer-like way...I guess because they showed the onstage fighting etc. I'm not sure why I wrote all this down...but ever since I watched this documentary I keep thinking about it. I keep listening to The Dandy Warhols. It's just...amazing to watch, for me. It feels real. It doesn't feel like your average story.
Some other highlights of music documentaries I've watched recently..
'Meeting People Is Easy.", the Radiohead documentary is really bizarre, because you feel so alienated watching it in a sense. You feel as alienated as the band maybe? But there are a lot of moments that are completely normal as well. I think it's very evident through in the opening...the disjointedness of the sound etc is creepy. I love when documentaries are effective. Like when they emphasise the repetition of things. It seems more realistic in a sense. We'd like to think rockstars do really cool things all the time and are never bored, but they have to deal with a lot of boring crap like everyone else.
In the Classic Album Series for Nirvana's Nevermind, I LOVED when they totally stripped back this song I can't remember the name of. There's a story behind everything...and I find myself most interested in those kinds of things. The thought processes and actions behind the way a particular line was recorded etc...I'm not sure why this stuff is so important to me. Maybe cause I hope one day someone will pick apart what I write or sing and really understand the meanings behind. I do most things so particularly. I'd love for people to spout off analysis' of what people say. It'd probably get very tedious after a while, but I think I'd enjoy it for a while =].
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