Manifest.

My first post of September...
I really haven't blogged in ages. Well, it feels like ages...

But right now, I need some catharsis. So I'm doing what I know.
I'm curled up in a foetal-like ball, listening to John Mayer and blogging. That is comfort for me.

I came back from Sara's party and it was lovely. I met some awesome people and had a lot of fun. But I cannot help but be plagued by odd thoughts that make me feel uneasy.

Maybe I'm looking too far into a lot of stuff and dwelling. My horoscope seems to think these weekend is cosmically fuss-free and that I should be happy, but since when did I listen to horoscopes anyways?

In the past couple of months...weeks...I don't know...I found myself insanely attracted to a vampire. He doesn't suck my life force at all. And today his actions made perfect sense. I had rationalised them in my head...but why did I react the way I did? Why am I so withdrawn? He scares me but he excites me at the same time. I feel like I'm being reborn yet killed at the same time when I see him.

I feel like a little girl a lot of the time, and who's to say I'm not? I am. I might have breasts and hips and am capable of making babies, but that doesn't make me a grown up woman.

This week in general ...*sigh*....so many questions and so many worries...just all piled up and exploded. The morbid music did *not* help my mental state either. Sometimes it did help...sometimes it just made me feel worse.

But I still have tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a new day after all.
I don't have to look in mirrors and see low self esteem manifesting itself.