looking up

I am surprising myself how much I'm dealing with this so gracefully. That's probably not the right term to use in this situation, but nevertheless, I feel like I'm not sinking into my usual insanity, fuelled by insecurity and jealousy. Those are very negative emotions, and I'm glad I've learned a way to go past them and just...be. I don't talk about him all the time, I don't constantly think about him (well, I think about him a lot, but it's much healthier this way) and in that respect, I am much calmer, levelheaded...in this crazy little thing called love hahaha.

I decided a few weeks ago that if this doesn't go the way I want, I'm not going to obsess and hold onto something that isn't there. I've wasted too much time thinking that people will come around, when really decisions like that get made faster than you think. How long did it take for me to notice him? Not that long - if he likes me back, it'll probably take the same amount of time. And if it goes on any longer and nothing happens, I'mma step back and stop talking about it here. Try and just be friends. Because I don't want that emotional stress, I don't want to be unrealistic. I want my fairytale to actually happen, not just be replayed torturously over and over in my head.

That is not to say I've given up before I've even begun. I have so much hope, I'm welling with hope.

"Things are looking up, oh finally
I thought I'd never see the day when you'd smile at me"

"It's not a dream anymore,
It's worth fighting for!"

- "Looking Up" by Paramore