part deux

I thought I could move on and forget about you. And for a while, I very much did. You ceased to occupy my thoughts. Which, was a good and a bad thing. Good, because I could breathe. I could finally escape that void in my head. Those what ifs. Because you don't exist - not really, do you? At least...you exist on the perimeter of my existence, unknowing, and yet changing. But it was bad because it's always nice to have something to wake up for. Not that I invested all my happiness in you...but it was nice to have that hope, to go that extra step and apply the eyeliner (because I don't apply eyeliner for no-one).

But nevertheless - there you are. Re-entry. Without my permission, no less. What am I to do with you? I like how you seem as if you are a loner. Or at least whenever I see you, you're by yourself. I'm over hanging around people with too many friends. I feel like they're not truly listening to me. I don't ever have their attention. I could get your attention maybe. If I had your attention, then I at least would no whether I was right or not about you. Instinct. It's failed me before, why shouldn't it again? Maybe we wouldn't get each other at all. But I at least want the opportunity to find out.

Your re-entry. I want to believe that I'm onto something here. How many more signs do I need? How many more near-misses do I need to tell me to give up? What am I doing anyways? Why am I so invisible? I've wanted that so much for a long time, but sometimes I do not want that at all. Explain to me what's going on. I need something tangible. I want your hand in mine. I want to know you're a good person. I want you to exist in my world. I want to exist in yours.